Or rehash old memories of the best sexual experiences you’ve had IRL, whether with your current partner or a previous one (though of course be conscientious of omitting details that could spark jealousy). The exercise above has already given you a base for creating your very own dirty talk word bank. A word bank is a list of your preferred naughty verbiage, whether words or phrases, that you can pull from to take the pressure off figuring it out in the heat of the moment. “But I can use language to describe what I love about how they feel in my arms, the way they smell, the experience of them tasting me.” In the era of social-distancing, words have become one of our best replacements for physical intimacy. That’s especially true when it comes to dirty talk, whether it’s done over the phone, sexting, or video chat.
This isn’t always the case, and women I spoke with all agree that what we see in typical “girl-on-girl” scenes aren’t true representations of how sex goes down. This story is a work of fiction and contains sex scenes and is suitable for adults only. All characters are fictional and are over 18 years old.
There’s nothing wrong with a little dirty talk, especially if it’s in the privacy of your bedroom with your partner. Well, Horn says, the pandemic is a perfect breeding ground to talk out those fantasies, since it’s a way to embrace all the things that are now forbidden or dangerous. With words, you can get off on the taboo of having sex with a stranger or in a park or on the beach in the midst of an outbreak — all while never endangering public health. “Remember that words we hate in a non-sexual context take on a whole different meaning and feeling in sexual relationships,” says Horn.
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Courtney advises that women not limit themselves in the bed, thinking they can’t do something because there are two women involved. “I find that some lesbians who identify very strongly with labels—butch, femme, stud, dom, etc.—do tend to have sex that mimics heterosexual sex,” says Aryka, a self-identified lesbian who’s had sex with men in the past. She points out that there isn’t the same sense of a beginning and an “end” when women have sex with each other, at least not how we think about sex between a man and woman. When it comes to porn, “lesbian sex” is everywhere, but it’s never actually for lesbians. For some reason, it’s nearly impossible to find “content” where women are having sex with women only for women.
Also, Horn says, “Don’t be afraid to be super literal in your dirty talk, especially when you’re getting over the initial hump (so to speak) of the social anxiety, figuring each other out, freezing up.” Again, taking note of what’s off-limits is as important as writing down what you like. “Certain words can feel degrading or not gender-affirming, or just make your skin crawl for whatever reason,” says Horn.
Still, the chances of people watching this movie who aren’t Xennial queers, Gen-X lesbians, or currently taking a feminist film theory class are, approximately, zero. Actually a great place for all beginners to start (especially if you’re shy) is to simply get more comfortable with platonic sexual communication, Horn says. Start talking more openly about your sex life with receptive friends. Just being more comfortable expressing your sexuality through language is a big step.